Dengarlah, saudara-saudari sekalian... I am about to membebel.

Saya membuat keputusan membuat coretan ringkas di sini setelah menghabiskan beberapa minggu memaki hamun Kerajaan Barisan Nasional dalam Bahasa Inggeris. Sungguhpun Bahasa Melayu, sebuah warisan tanahair ini yang mengutarakan budaya bersopan- santun dan berbudi pekerti tinggi, tidak menyediakan perkataan- perkataan yang memadai bagi tujuan saya melepaskan rasa tidak berpuas hati, saya akan melakar sejarah dalam hidup saya sendiri dengan memaki hamun Kerajaan Barisan Nasional dalam Bahasa Melayu buat pertama kali. (Sebelum ni camana nak tulis dalam esei BM kat sekolah, kan?)

Sambutan hari kemerdekaan ke-51 dan 16hb September, tarikh keramat lahirnya negara kita Malaysia ini berlalu begitu sahaja. Adakah kita sebagai rakyat Malaysia telah menunaikan tanggungjawab kita sewajarnya dengan memperingati tarikh- tarikh bersejarah ini dalam coretan sejarah negara ini?

Setahu saya, rakyat Malaysia lebih rakus menyaksikan pertarungan kata- kata dan janji politik yang saling dilemparkan oleh dua pihak yang berbalah di Putrajaya. Kematangan politik yang nyata di kalangan rakyat terbukti pada 8hb Mac 2008. Saya megalu- alukan perkembangan positif ini kerana terdapat perubahan paradigma di mana rakyat mula mengukuhkan kedudukan mereka sebagai asas proses demokrasi negara ini. Sungguhpun begitu, proses evolusi ini masih belum lengkap.

Dari perspektif seseorang warga asing, kemungkinan besar pendapat yang dibentuknya dari apa yang dilihat adalah imej rakyat yang kurang matang kerana sanggup melayan karenah wakil- wakil rakyat yang tidak masuk akal, terutama sekali bagaimana wakil- wakil rakyat sebegini berjaya memperoleh mandat rakyat ketika pilihan raya dalam masa 4 dekad ini. Saya hanyalah seorang penuntut undang- undang. Saya tidak mungkin akan mendapat tahu tindak- tanduk sesetengah pihak yang mungkin telah memanipulasikan system pilihanraya di negara ini. Selain sebab ini, saya tidak dapat memikirkan alas an lain mengapa kita terus menderita di bawah pucuk pimpinan yang membatu api rakyatnya sendiri.

Rakyat Malaysia sememangnya memerlukan masa bagi membentuk sebuah kesedaran tentang sistem pentadbiran yang serasi dengan komposisi masyarakat kita. Selama ini kerajaan Barisan Nasional yang menghirup kegemilangan berjayanya Parti Perikatan memperoleh kemerdekaan bagi pihak Malaya, terus mengamalkan sikap bodoh sombong dan prinsip- prinsip lapuk. Kendatipun saya memahami situasi negara Malaysia yang masih boleh dianggap sebuah negara yang ‘muda’ jika dibandingkan dengan rakan- rakan ASEANnya, saya percaya bahawa asas pentadbiran Parti Perikatan ketika pra- Malaysia adalah sebuah permulaan yang positif bagi semua. Walau bagaimanapun, pengendalian halatuju yang salah telah menyebabkan sebahagian objektif pembentukan Malaysia lenyap sama sekali. Semua ini berlaku disebabkan sifat tamak haloba pemimpin Barisan Nasional semata-mata. Tunku Abdul Rahman telah memilih nama ‘Malaysia’ kerana beliau mempunyai impian menyatukan beberapa negara Asia yang sememangnya akan terdiri daripada pelbagai kaum dan agama. Jelasnya dengan ini, beliau ingin membentuk sebuah negara majmuk yang akan memanfaatkan semua pihak secara adil.

Malangnya, kuasa mutlak yang diberikan oleh rakyat sendiri kepada pentadbir Barisan Nasional yang kurangnya mentaliti kepimpinan membawa kepada kehancuran moral parti ini. Nyata sekali, senarionya sama dengan anak kecil yang tidak boleh dibenarkan bermain mancis: Kecil- kecil menjadi kawan, besar- besar menjadi lawan.
Runtunglah Malaysia dijilat api disebabkan sikap kita yang alpa, memberikan mancis dan pemetik api kepada ahli politik yang bagaikan ‘harapkan pagar, pagar makan padi’.

Mungkin pembaca sekalian berasa saya terlalu taksub mencari salah silap Kerajaan Barisan Nasional sehingga mengabaikan aspek positif pentadbiran mereka. Saya tidak menafikan hakikat bahawa terdapat usaha yang padu bagi membangunkan negara kita yang dahulunya mundur ini. Saya juga tidak menafikan hasil yang dapat dinikmati oleh rakyat sejagat berikutan usaha ini. Walaupun begitu, saya masih berasa prinsip parti Barisan Nasional yang terlalu bermain politik perkauman telah membatutkan perkembangan Malaysia yang berpotensi menjadi lebih menyerlah di rantau Asia ini terutamanya dari segi ekonomi dan sosial.

Segalanya bermula dari mentaliti dan buah fikiran kita. Saya menyeru rakyat Malaysia yang berbilang kaum dari segenap penjuru negara agar lebih prihatin kepada aspek- aspek yang dapat memajukan negara ini tanpa mengira latar belakang, kaum, dan agama. Hindarilah segala isu yang memisahkan kita sebagai sebuah entiti yang majmuk lagi bersatu. Usahlah kita terhanyut dengan kata- kata hasutan ahli politik yang mengagung- agungkan kaum sendiri kerana perbuatan ini bak meludah ke langit. Tidak ubah seperti makhluk belukar. Bertaubatlah, wahai Jenin pendusta…


Saya masih menanti satu BANGSA MALAYSIA.

Dengan ini, saya menaruh harapan kepada barisan pemimpin alternatif bagi mengakhiri penantian saya (dan 26.5 juta rakyat Malaysia yang lain) ini.

Adakah saya melukut di tepi gantang?

This LLB student and her crazy rants.

( flashback: the wonderful times in Inter!)

How's a little blogging going to hurt an intermediate student? A lot, actually!!! Well, that's just for my pathetic case where my legal studies are currently nearly derailed every now and then. I don't blame Mother Nature and my fellow human beings. I'm just such a screw up when it comes to sticking to my priorities ( my priority is that 6- question torture from Miss Vaani... and that Valentine's day gift she so graciously presented to us on that same day... And hey hey: look at what I'm doing now.).

At the moment I'm just flipping cluelessly through my notes, wondering aloud if studying beforehand could have made much of a difference ( you and I both know that it would, duh)... Well I'd be so prim and proper if i did... that speckless nerdy girl who does things so oh-perfecto. I'm not. I'm an incorrigible slob... And not being oh-so-proper would foreseeably grate things up... Law is definitely not for the lazy. I've told that to myself time and time again. But old habits die hard, especially habits that seemed to work even when you thought they'd be the death of you, e.g. last minute work. Despite my undying faith in last minute efforts, people: Don't do this to yourself. It's going to gut you inside- out, especially if you're an LLB inter student like me. It won't work every time. Lady Luck spits on it. Haha... Believe me, I've faced her wrath.

This morning I crawled out of bed with a searing pain in my head. Common law test was at 10am so i made it a point to drag myself off bed at 6am. Due to the pain i collapsed back into bed, stuck a pillow over the side of my head and shut my eyes tightly. God, i had no idea it would hurt so much. I then texted a message to my classmate telling him i won't be able to make it for the paper. Drat!!! After all that reading! Then Miss Linda's words came dancing around in my mind (as though the migraine wasn't satisfied being lone ranger):"... Don't kid yourself. You can't afford to fall ill..." I was then having torrents of dreadful imaginary circumstances. What if this happened on the morning of the 21st of May? What if..? What if..? Gahhh.

'Tis the season to be sniffling... My friends are down with at least one specimen of virus or bacteria... My house-mates, especially. In spite of what Helen was trying to tell me about the darn scorching weather out there, i failed to notice at all. My body had more brain than i thought. Today's migraine was sheer evidence. I just couldn't give two hoots about these things sometimes. I think I'm superhuman! hahaha... I'd be lying if i were to say i wasn't thinking so. Perasanlah... as usual. Just observing my sleeping habits will convince you of the level of confidence i have in my body. hahaha... Until the moment I crash and burn... Long story short: Jangan eksyen lebih- lebih kalau tak boleh...

The start of 2008 saw some significant changes in my classroom life. I've moved from the hindquarters of the room to the very front... literally under the lecturer's noses. So close that I've taken to the habit of counting lecturers' nose-hair ( identity withheld) in the event that the lesson had my imagination travelling a tad too far. I have 3 seats to myself up front! No more distractions! (Try that when Miss Vaani is constantly scanning you... i swear she knows exactly when to swoop down on you) I'm a whole lot happier being in the front. It feels exactly as if the lecturer is actually talking to you and no one else, which makes note- taking and questioning much easier. I used to duck all over the place to copy stuff off the board (those scrawls, drat!) and the fact that i had to look at the back of people's heads annoyed me. Yeah yeah, i know, it took me about 4 months or so to realise that i hated it... but better now than never. I don't have to strain my eyes and ears anymore. God bless those angelic classmates who left the front-most row empty! Love you whoever you are!

You know when all hope seems lost, there's definitely some strand of hope there somehow. If you'd read Emily Dickinson's poem "Hope is the Thing With Feathers", you'd know what I mean. I didn't believe in the immortality of hope until i came across that poem. It occurred to me that we are each made in a certain way to believe in hope even when we don't want to, or cannot. It happened to me lately, again. This time it was during mocks. I was convinced that my 1st paper, criminal law, was a sure disaster. But as it turned out, whaddaya know? It was the best compared to my other papers. Eureka, some hope in my otherwise tragic mock experience!

Alrighty, i think it's time for these fingers to skip off the keyboard and get back to that seminar pack waiting on the desk. What I may conclude here is that we have to approach everything with the right attitude, and man's tendency to vary in attitudes make it all the more difficult to put this into practice. Now, back to 1997 Zone A question 7..........

Ridiculous Business.

Currently playing in the background: Mario Vasquez- Gallery

Current thought to blurt: MTV Asia Awards in my own backyard, and I’m going to miss it. Gahhh…!

You might know me as a very ambitious girl who often bites off more than she can chew. But then again, I have never made it a point to treat myself to big opportunities, most of which millions of my fellow homo sapiens would dearly love to kill for. For instance, I made it into the 500 guests’ list of the 2^nd Malaysian Student Leaders’ Summit in Kuala Lumpur... which opens approximately 5 hours from now in Hotel Nikko. I had been dying to listen to people like Karim Raslan and Zaid Ibrahim for as long as I can remember, even before my legal studies. These two names are just a tiny segment of a whole list of speakers at the 2-day summit.

I’ve registered 4 months in advance so as to have something to look forward to in August. That was before they released the official list of speakers. At the top of the list is none other than Pak Lah himself, followed by Professor Ungku Aziz, and some other bullcrap Barisan Nasional politicians. The joke of it all was, even Khairy Jamaluddin made it into the list. Just because he’s an Ox- fart. A friend of mine once said that it was no point making the trip because it will be a bore, with BN lackeys toeing the party line and the whole summit would be rigged with nothing but propaganda. Despite the attraction of being able to question various government policies, I bore in mind the fact that not everyone in the summit would kindly tolerate a full- scale pre- emptive strike on the government. If we had to behave ourselves like the demure, tame government supporters they expect us to be, the entire event would stand too politically correct besides being another mere tool for benefitting cronies through contracts spawned by the event.

Now you may think I sound like one of those anti- BN fanatics who label all things BN as evil, counter- productive, impotent, and a disgrace to the nation. If the BN had not been over- playing their racial politics crap over the years it wouldn’t have had such an obvious pressure- cooker effect on me. The MCA is the most constipated party of all, and the MIC has suffered a fate of being subject to greedy and selfish party leaders. Politics in Malaysia is unique in itself, because everyone is trying not to be such a racist nincompoop, but ends up being racist all over again. If we are truly Malaysian, we do not call each other ‘Melayu’, ‘Cina’, or ‘India’. We see each other as fellow Malaysians who share this glorious nation, and work together in its building. However, there is this unfathomable mentality certain people possess which has already violated every principle of law, and defied logic itself. I genuinely wonder if this mentality will continue to exist 10 years from now because it’s grinding a humongous ulcer into the belly of the country. Well, there is always the Federal Constitution to help it along: the largest joke which poses stark naked in front of every Malaysian, and the rest of the world for that matter.

A constitution sets the foundation for governing a nation, with all its fundamental laws of the land to act as a guideline for administration purposes. What’s worse with a constitution like ours is the fact that it is written. It only takes a strong government (more than a 2/3 majority in Parliament) to disfigure these laws, shaking the very pillars holding up the laws of the land. The government has also frequently abused the constitution to their advantage. If you had a copy of the constitution, it would naturally occur to you that it is either there is something fundamentally wrong with the constitution, or that Malaysian schools have failed miserably in educating our local politicians in reading skills. The live feed from Parliament in the mornings would tell you a lot of how politicians abuse their mandate to satisfy their own ideals. You might be watching it one day, with one of them going with such gusto:

“Ini salah! Soal perlembagaan tidak boleh dipertikaikan! Saya mewakili semua rakyat di Pasir Salak…. Blah blah blah…”

And you’d be like,

“Who says?! I did not tell you to say that on my behalf!”

Imagine the irony if he were actually making racist remarks on live television, and claiming that he’s acting on your behalf. Wonderful. Hidup BN!

I can never watch such debates without flinching. The worst was the issue of JPA scholarships. You can actually see these UMNO flatfish rear their ugly heads. (By the way, the above quote was from that session) If the constitution safeguards the privileges of the *ahem* without compromising the rights of the non- *ahem*s, it is a little illogical, don’t you think? In a heterogeneous society like ours, you can never give someone privileges without taking away the rights of another. So tell me, where are we now?

All Aboard...!

Currently playing in the background: BoA- Can’t Let Go

Current thought to blurt: Wow, 2 posts in a night!

Tonight feels right for a little exercise on my finger joints. A few to-do’s have been hovering in my mind. Perhaps an experience still fresh in mental storage would be my little trip to the land of the Dragon, the People’s Republic of China. This trip was initially planned for a month. However, due to the crabbiness of a very strict Chinese government, my 30-day visa was reduced to a 15-day one. Blame them for wanting everything to be in place for the 2008 summer Olympics. Better than nothing, I finally thought after days of complaining. Shenyang, here I come!

Departing from Penang, I geared up for a 4-hour flight to Guangzhou onboard a China Southern Airlines aircraft. I bumped into local MCA politician, Chong Itt Chew during the flight (tough luck during the last elections). I travelled with an uncle for accompany, as he too, was going to Shenyang to check out my dad’s workplace. Security has never been such a hassle, as we endured hours of waiting in line to be checked at Guangzhou (groping and all). The coolest device perhaps, was this heat detector to screen for people with comparatively higher temperatures, and you could see your body on this screen in shades of red, orange, green, and yellow. It was like watching swarms of people with a pair of night- vision goggles. Life did not get anymore exciting, as we had 5 hours ahead of us before our next flight from Guangzhou to Shenyang. My lunch in the airport cafe came in the form of RMB50 (around RM25) ham- and- cheese sandwiches which you and I could make anytime in our own kitchens. Coffee was RMB68. I was marveling at what the airport authorities were thinking: hiking food prices through the roof at the domestic flight departure hall. We spent those hours walking around the place, reading, and finally sitting cross- legged on the carpeted floor outside our boarding gate to watch a few Sylvester Stallone movies (my uncle’s a fan!) on a power notebook.

Touchdown at Shenyang was a great relief- at 1am in the morning. It was a long, taxing day- I could go to France with the amount of time we took to reach Shenyang from Penang. Shenyang is the capital city of Liaoning province, located in Northeast China, above the Korean peninsula. With a population of more than 7 million, Shenyang was a big, bustling city. Even Kuala Lumpur pales in comparison. Being the venue of the Olympic football preliminary, efforts to spruce up the city have produced results: this city turned out to be more intriguing and beautiful than I thought.

Being the helpless Malaysian- ised Chinese I am, making my way around China was just as challenging as I thought. I couldn’t make out the local accent at all on my 1^st day. They sound as if they spoke out of their nostrils. Culture shock was natural: the random Chinese who cut into queues as if the had the right to (as forewarned by mum), their unnaturally loud conversations, and many other traits that could set non- mainland Chinese apart from the boisterous locals (and all these are just the ones I’ve noticed in the airport and onboard the planes. God knows what else they do on their own turf.)

It is getting a little late to go on, but I still have tales to tell. I leave you here at this point. Until the next recollection of my journey,

Good night and Good luck.

The Big Question

Currently playing in the background: Live- Heaven

Current thought to blurt: It’s August already?

I must say time does fly. What is time? I see it as nothing but a figment of human nature: the desire to measure everything. If it indeed is a mode of measurement, what exactly does it measure? I daresay it is nothing but a convenience to everyone but you. Time runs out on you when it does not on others. When people want you somewhere someplace at their fancy and CONVENIENCE, they use time against you. When your body exists, other people keep count of its biological age more than you do yourself. They want to know how long you have shared the air on Earth, and they always want to know when you expire. You never knew anything the moment you were born into this world, and neither will you know anything more the split second you heave your last breath. But other people do, with the accurate hours, minutes, and seconds. I say time is nothing, nothing at all, and it is the most overrated subject.

But of course, as I have said earlier, time is only of value to you if it also of (a whole lot more) value to some other people. If you are a person who can focus on what you really wanted at that moment, you come to realize that time actually stood still for yourself. You see, time for yourself is actually a sacred moment in your life which you actually LIVED, and not simply exist in flesh and bone. Remember the saying “Time flies when you’re having fun”? You may see that what I have said is parallel to these words passed from generation to generation. You may not realize the sun has altered its position in the sky, and the passing of billions of other people’s lives around you. Time simply froze. With that, how could one possibly measure his life in years and months when he barely lived past a quarter of his biological lifespan?

I guess it takes a wholesome human being to comprehend the demands his own life imposes on him, to act on what is best for him without breaching the boundaries of someone else’s life. We have never gotten to live life the way we wanted, not without a little trial and error along the way. We may never get what we want, but wants and needs are so abstract even to ourselves that we may never know if we have lived life the way we desired. You and I both know that we are the masters of our own lives, and to subject it to time, an invisible, overrated organism, is simply unacceptable.

Time is just a demonstration of how nature operates at its own rhythm. Time is the definition of inexplicable pieces of our lives. We are often told that every second past will never return. But through my eyes, if time is really bits and pieces of your life that has passed you by, those moments can still return. Photographs are an example of how one can relive a piece of their past. Therefore, I have often marveled at this: a simple device created by man which we have ever so often overlooked, with the ability to defy time.

I could go on and on, perhaps prepare a ridiculous thesis on this topic. But as we all know, this is just a random thought I caught while wondering why we are subjected to Time. In actual fact, we are subject to our own lives, slaves to growing responsibilities which we, at times heap onto ourselves for no apparent reason; and more importantly, the lives we lead have not been for ourselves, but more for others.

Starting afresh- You ready?

Current song playing in the background: Lena Park- Fall in Love

Current mood: Restless, tired, and uncomfortable.

I am not certain if I should start off this post by cursing the humid weather. It’s utterly unbearable. The feel of the warm but damp air is indescribable. How sadistic of the Malaysian climate. Sigh… Malaysian methods of corporal torture: they just reinvent themselves every now and then eh?

I thought of writing something tonight after being triggered by a question from Jovaynne this morning:

“Eh, your BlogSpot died already?”

The truth beneath my disappearance from cyberspace rests not wholly on the fact that I was busy being ordered to be behind the wheel so often, but more on the fact that I suddenly felt contented with digesting everyday events in my memory rather than giving them physical form in a blog post. It may be the same scenario as a tourist with a camera: he spends the whole holiday behind his lenses that he forgets to witness the scenes of his opportunity through his very own eyes. I’m not saying blogging will prevent you from appreciating the quality of events. Rather, I thought blogging too often will allow room for too much scrutiny into the smallest things in my life. It becomes a habit when I possess the mindset poised ready to write; also ready within me is the disgusting authority to judge. Lately, I thought of letting my big, ugly ego take the back seat for a change after all these years and allow myself some room to enjoy the innumerable privileges life has brought me. In other words, rilek la…….

After my intermediate exams, there was the familiar sense of loss. This would also sound twisted, but having had slumber parties with your books for the past few months will cast onto you an unexpected attack of not knowing what to do with the sudden surge of freedom you possessed within a matter of 3 hours (after the Contract Law paper). The emotion was like being given another 200 years to live, but not having planned such a lifetime you struggle to decide if what YOU really wanted was to waste yourself in jubilation, or embark on something that would benefit you (or not). I chose the path of hours of Counter Strike, driving around the streets of my hometown, and finally having the deep enjoyment of all my favourite music with the stereo turned up. I started indulging in some Lian Hearn novels: The tales of the Otori. Between these indulgences, I managed to squeeze in some time for Evidence and Law of Trusts. I am pretty sure I’d be going for Evidence in my 2^nd year because the prospect of submitting to Commercial Law sends pre- migraine pangs, and the estranged point of considering Family Law at all is, as mentioned, ESTRANGED.

Well that’s just about my opening post of a new season of blogging. The warm air is starting to get to me. Will attempt a bout of Counter Strike before bed. Tomorrow is a new day… to visit school? Maybe. If I can get a certain someone to come along with me, that is. Until tomorrow morning,

Good night and Good luck.